Gaze at The World and She'll Gaze You Back

World is the reach of your five senses. Everything that comes to exsistance in front of you and you believe on, exsists and is in your very own world. That is why each people have their own world that is different from other people. Each person sees something from different light and places because precisely everyone is different from each other.

My world during childhood is a big dome of safety zone where strong society control and simple life of a countryside protect prevent me from going wild or taking the ‘wrong’ unusual turn on the many crossroads of life. I developed a big fear of mistakes from growing up watching my two rascal brothers doing everything they want and got scolded for all their broken motor cycles and night sleepovers. I became rather careful and sly in covering up and acting good in front of my parents so I was safe from the scolding. But then later it developed into some kind of guilty complex that makes me up until now unable to freely doing mistakes without being extremely frightened by the thought of making one. 

'Persona' guards everything inside

Back to my past though, Fate always have her way in finding a way to send me some twists and turns. I met my first hobby at a book store, in the form of Doraemon comic books my brother get after wailing and flailing in front of the book store one day when we (my two brothers, me, and my mom) was shopping at the traditional market nearby. After that I really enjoyed reading comics and by the time I was in Junior High School, I already began collecting comics of various genres and age range. My world of comics grew wider as I knew more about it through the internet. I was a net geek back in my second year at Junior High School and that was when I met with my second obsession, back when arcade games and Playstation rental was booming in my small town. My two brothers dragged me to game centers, letting the little girl that is me enjoying the world of gaming and wonderful graphic of the two dimension. I fell even more to the world of imagination then with comics and games (and several animes that was popular back then) and the internet is another link that widens my world.

The day I put my hand on the mouse at that one public internet, my safety zone was torn down and I found the wonderful world of imagination from my love to comics, games, and animes leads me to a deeper world of those via the internet connection. I wrote fanfics, read articles and stories, I came to contact with people from various places even outside the country, I got my motivation to learn English so I could browse the new world I found even more, and got my mind broaden up from the various stories from those comics and games be it fantasy or real. I didn’t realize it back then but I was becoming an observant girl enjoying how various theory and philosophy I found through  books, comics, and anime were rightly applied in the real world. I was fascinated by that and started to like analyzing people through their own point of view, trying to understand the feeling of various people.

That was mostly how I have been living up until know. Observing people, checking reasons on why some people do this while some of them do not. Rooting up the reason for certain event or some problem happened on people, and trying to find out how to solve it without hurting either sides too much.
I learnt the two most inspiring quote in my life: ‘equivalent trade’ and ‘too much is as bad as too little’ both from my hobbies of watching and reading. I’ve been pretty much living my life up until now from those two quotes, and been fascinated all the time it fits perfectly for various situations whether it  has to do with me or everybody around me. Been pretty skeptical secretly for those who said ‘life isn’t fair!’ and complaining to God and World for the misery that actually they bought themselves, but sometimes hating myself for thinking such villainous thought when people are actually suffering and needs help.

My world is now a big drama stage. I am outside the stage, watching while screaming, laughing, frightened, and crying as the play turns from good and heartwarming scene to gory and gloomy scene of misfortunes. From time to time I would be bought up stage, feeling the joy and sorrow of life first hand and I would then quickly return to my seat, watching while screaming, laughing, frightened and crying as the film of Life keeps rolling on, and as my time at the ‘theater’ runs out year by year.