For You Whom I Loved ~Sukideshita Anata e~

I loved you
I don't know how it happened and why
But I loved you...

I can't answer when you ask "what is love" because I don't know either. But for now, for me now, loving you is when I'm happy just by seeing you. Enjoying your presence alone is enough to pull both sides of my lips, making it very hard to keep myself from grinning. Loving you is when you always pop up in my head even when I really shouldn't think about anything else since I have tons of works to do. Loving you is wanting to know what are you doing right now. Wanting to hear your voice, wanting to see your face.

That's so one-sided since, honestly, I don't care about you or your happiness while as far as I know, loving someone should mean wanted that person to be happy. But not this. This feeling I have is only a longing for me to be happy because of you. That's selfish. And that's not love... but there is no English word for this feeling right now. In Indonesian I will say "suka" not "cinta". In Japanese I will say "suki" not "ai". In English, those words can only be conveyed by four letters. Love.
So let's stick to the "love" one.

Okay back to my "love" that is not that deep and mutual for you.
I guess this feeling will be troublesome for you. There is no chance that you have the same feeling too and me telling you directly would only cause troubles. So I'll keep it to myself. Besides, it's not that this is the first time I fell in "love" with someoen. I've done it thousand times my heart got bruishes. And all those times I fell in "love" I never dared myself to convey it. Either I was not sure that he loves me back, or I didn't have the courage to confess, or I felt no need to "going out" with him, or I didn't want to be the one who confessed. Either way I ended up penting up my feeling. And this time it is no different.

Then why am I writing this? Don't get cokcy. It's not for your sake. It's for my own sake. I wanted to perserve this feeling. I want that the future me will remember that I have ever feel like this. I have ever love someone. I want me to remember.

Before the feeling died or I die because my feeling grows stronger while yours doesn't, I want me to remember.

I loved you.

This feeling might dissapear or grows stronger

But either way, I loved you

Remember that I loved you like this...