For You Whom I Loved ~Sukideshita Anata e~

I loved you
I don't know how it happened and why
But I loved you...

I can't answer when you ask "what is love" because I don't know either. But for now, for me now, loving you is when I'm happy just by seeing you. Enjoying your presence alone is enough to pull both sides of my lips, making it very hard to keep myself from grinning. Loving you is when you always pop up in my head even when I really shouldn't think about anything else since I have tons of works to do. Loving you is wanting to know what are you doing right now. Wanting to hear your voice, wanting to see your face.

That's so one-sided since, honestly, I don't care about you or your happiness while as far as I know, loving someone should mean wanted that person to be happy. But not this. This feeling I have is only a longing for me to be happy because of you. That's selfish. And that's not love... but there is no English word for this feeling right now. In Indonesian I will say "suka" not "cinta". In Japanese I will say "suki" not "ai". In English, those words can only be conveyed by four letters. Love.
So let's stick to the "love" one.

Okay back to my "love" that is not that deep and mutual for you.
I guess this feeling will be troublesome for you. There is no chance that you have the same feeling too and me telling you directly would only cause troubles. So I'll keep it to myself. Besides, it's not that this is the first time I fell in "love" with someoen. I've done it thousand times my heart got bruishes. And all those times I fell in "love" I never dared myself to convey it. Either I was not sure that he loves me back, or I didn't have the courage to confess, or I felt no need to "going out" with him, or I didn't want to be the one who confessed. Either way I ended up penting up my feeling. And this time it is no different.

Then why am I writing this? Don't get cokcy. It's not for your sake. It's for my own sake. I wanted to perserve this feeling. I want that the future me will remember that I have ever feel like this. I have ever love someone. I want me to remember.

Before the feeling died or I die because my feeling grows stronger while yours doesn't, I want me to remember.

I loved you.

This feeling might dissapear or grows stronger

But either way, I loved you

Remember that I loved you like this...

Amel's Jogja's Spotlight! (edited)

More creative writing task ^__^' this is an edited version of Amel's blogpost entitled "Jogja Spotlight". I haven't waken up to my editing nature so, I'm pretty sure there are some things still not good and I might even turn Amel's fine work into something worse >___<

Here we go..

Jogja Spotlite

 

Among the many landmarks in Jogja, Malioboro can be considered as the most famous. It is the name of a street in Jogja, but this is not your regular street. Lining along the side walks are vendors selling various merchandise unique to Jogja such as batiks and t-shirts. There are also food stalls selling traditional foods. You can even find art performances here at night. Another reason why Malioboro is the most popular landmark in Jogja is because most of the tourist come visiting Jogja will have Malioboro street under their list of destination.

Regarding the naming of these street, there are two versions of rumours that has been spreading around. One version said that the naming is taken from the name of an English gentleman, Marlborough who came from U.K. and lived in Jogja during 1811 to 1816. The second version said that the word ‘Malioboro’ is taken from Sasnkrit which means “bouquet” because the street was always filled with bouquer of flowers everytime ‘Keraton Jogja’ had celebration.

Near the shoutern end of the street is another well-known in Jogja: Beringharjo traditional market. It is the largest traditional maret in Jogja. Inside, we can find batiks and souveniers available. This is a great place to show your bargaining skill because if you are really good at it, you can have stuffs here discounted up to half the price.

While you are enjoying your trip at Jogja, here are two must-ride traditional vehicle in Jogja: the Pedicab and ‘andong’. While you might have already get a clearer idea on what pedicab is, ‘andong’ here is a carriage drawn by one or two horse. Back in the day, this was the main transportation means along Malioboro street. However, these days this horse carriage is still operational providing a nice traditional sight-seeing transportation means for tourist or locals.Yogyakarta's identical with Malioboro. Every person who took time here would have to come here. Until now, this place still survives as the trade center and be one of icons of Yogyakarta. There’re two history versions of Malioboro’s naming. The first’s taken from the name of an English gentleman, namely Marlborough, a resident of the United Kingdom in the city of Yogyakarta in 1811 AD to 1816 AD. The second one’s taken from Sanskrit which means "bouquet", since this place used to be filled with a bouquet of flowers when the Palace held celebration. 

Seeking further on the past Malioboro, we have a little chit chat with Pak Siswo, a cabman who has dedicated himself since the 70’s. He said that back than, andong could only park in front of the entrance to Beringharjo Market. The road was only for pedestrian. He also said that it was easier to earn for a living with andong back than. Roads were still filled with andong and pedicab. There were less hotels and more trees along the street. The one-way street was also wider back than.

 The present Malioboro still have many pedicab and andong, but not as much as it was back than. The pedestrian area is also widened so andong and pedicabs are allowed to park along the street. Those traditional transportation are currelntly under Sultan HB X care since there are licensing and attributes for those vehicles. This makes only licensed andong and pedicabs are allowed to participate during certain Keraton’s event or celebration.

Urban development around the street depends on Mayor who reigned, for example: previous Mayor wants putting plant pots along the way, but now, the mayor wanta sidewalk's planted with grass, so no more plant pots for giving a better view. Mostly large trees have also been cut down for safety and there're a lot of street vendors selling batik or souvenirs.

Life goes on , and the seasons kept changing. Now, Pak Siswo considers his work not only as a way to earn money, but also as an entertainment. Remember the increasing of the number of competitors such as Trans Jogja bus, taxi, etc. Although he admitted that it's difficult in earning money as a cabman today.

Now, since we have gone to the southern part of Malioboro, get ready for what waits you at the northern part of the famous street. Here it is, ‘Pasar Kembang’ or ‘Sarkem’. Located at the hearth of the city, this place is the red-light district of Jogja. In the past, this was a more organized prostitution area. However Sosrowijayan (the name of the alley) has changed. Either it’s a matter of system or they way the prostitutes behave and dress up. For private reason, the girls there are only given the HIV/AIDS vaccination twice a month. Skill building was even completely removed from agenda on 2010 so some of them were taken and the rest were stayed. However, they still go to school and get lessons at least until Senior High. In time, they're fully devoted themselves to be a prostitute and no longer rely on the attendant to earn money and freely attract the visitors who are normally coming from pupils and students. By doing so, they tend to wear miniskirt and tank-top. 

So in short, they seek for men so the more visitors they served, the more money they got. Our interviewee's an old woman who has settled in Sosromenduran for almost 65 years. Her name is Mariyani , a widower who become the elder at Sosrowijayan Kulon RT 17 RW 03. She has five children who are working as a tailor and hairdresser. When we asked about the history of why people called this place as Sarkem, she gave us a very clear explanation that it's no more than just a name of Street around Malioboro, not place where the prostitution takes place, but Sosrowijayan. Back then, Sosrowijayan, which has three hundreds or something inhabitans, became a complex of kos-kosan as University of Proklamasi was established and inns for sellers, mostly from Bandung and Jakarta besides as the residence of the prostitutes or place for them to get money. They themselves mainly come from Jepara, East Java and Cilacap so this place also gave a lodging for temporary staying. Then, they should register to Bunga Seroja and will be announced to others on the meeting later. That's how procedure is running.

The prostitutes were raised to get education like others by the local citizens and build their skill in cooking and sewing. They got regular vaccination every week to avoid HIV/AIDS. How they dress up formerly like commoners and more polite –wearing a jeans or midi-skirt combine with shirt or blouse-. They went to school in the morning and go working at night until predawn. This prostitution's already exist since colonial period. The visitors came from Indochinese people and artists. When they want to, let’s call it, be ‘served’, they must ask attendant first so the prostitute just stayed at inns and waited for the visitors. Around the 60’s, some of the prostitutes were moved to place around Kotagede but then they returned due to the government’s plan to build Giwangan Station. The situation was uncontrolled and disorganized -so many drunken got into fight and mini nightclubs were opened nonstop-.

Movie Review: Bag It, a Documenter of a Plastic Bag

So last week I watched this documenter film entitled “Bag It”. This is made by . They said that it is a film about plastic bag. Well, I was expecting a journey of a talking plastic bag going through the cycle of its never ending live from the factory, to some shop or supermarket, and ended up undergorund or at the town dumpster unable to pass to a new cycle live. Yes. I completely aware that pastic bags are not always being recycled and that its own existance will clog the cycle of live (pfft. Way to put it, drama queen). And sure the film gave us that. Only that it’s not the plastic bag itself that did the talking. It was Jeb Berrier who did the talking.

It’s nice watching the flow of the movie and how he gave us simple fact without exagerating yet still get the impact in our mind. Come one, who wouldn’t be surprised knowing there is a ring of plastic bag floating out there in the middle of the ocean and that the marine lives are suffering for what WE had done? This “Bag It” gives me the right dose of what I need to know to take action (if I still have the human heart).

What is nice about this film is, it does not only shows the fault of us human beings, but it also shows how some of decent men with good working brain and kind heart out there already started out on their own way of saving the world from plastic reign. For example, it is very educational knowing that in German there are recycling vending machine that will give you a few bucks from putting recycled plastic bottle inside and letting the machine ( or however the system works) recycled the bottle. This has a good effect of encouraging people to recylcle their used plastic bottles. Seeing Heb Berrier trying to change by actually reducing plastic use by bringing his own container for grocery shopping or when he bought food is rather inspiring too.

There are lots of facts that actually important but not yet widespread information that people should now about plastic an its danger to the world. Most people though that it is always possible to recylce plastic so as long as they put their plastic garbage in the right circle, the garbage will always be recycled.  The reality is not that easy. Not all plastics are recycable and the other unrecycable plastics goes... where? The film emphasize on the long existance of plastic once it is created. It won’t just dissapear just when you want it too. Plastic is much more complicated than that.

Overall, it is a nice way to start plastic conserving campaign. Start from myself, and maybe to other people while I am at it.

When the Noon Fall in Love with the Night

What people used to call "bad day" is what I experienced yesterday. Everything goes off the track and God seems to be on a roll of failing every single of my expectation. Nothing I plan went well and the unplanned always something chaotic. Waking up late while I had to have an exam starts my day. The exam was hell of an exam and I only managed to answer 2 out of 8 questions. The ATM loved my ATM card too much and won't let it out. Got a flat tire when I was going home, and many other mess.
Sick of the world that day, I found an empty lot in front of a small man-made lake near my campus. I couldn't careless on the world that day so I went ahead and lie there, dozing off. If someone stole my stuffs or I woke up on a secret chamber with my memories alternated, I will think of that as part of the "bad day" series so I didn't care.

The beautiful picture is taken from here

I woke up thinking not to ever doze off outdoor anymore-the bug-bites itched like hell-. But the sight I saw that time makes all the chill and bug bites I had from sleeping outside worth it. It was dusk when I woke up. The blaze of the sun fades away on the horizon, leaving trails of yellow and orange and red, blending with the dark blue of the night that would come. The bluish, reddish cloud hung on the sky, while burning sea of amber complete the painting God has made every end of the day.
It took me one whole bad day with nothing goes right, and 4 hours of sleeping outdoors with chilling wind and bugs sucking off my blood, to be able to appreciate such beautiful sight that actually available everyday.

Kagayaki Dina e ~A Letter for Mba Dina in All Her Shining Darkness~

Because my friend wants to read my reply to mba Dina's Letter, here we go~ :3 I'll come and read yours next, Ukky~ Nyeahahahahaha

Dear mba Dina,

Your letter to us really inspire me to look deeper on what’s happening around me as well as what’s happening on people’s mind. Just like what you said, I don’t have to experience amazing twists and turns like you did in your childhood ( I bet you’re in an even amazing ‘roller coaster’ of life right now out there). But I can’t help myslef but think what a plain and simple life I have. I can’t stop myself from comparing my life and yours. How you were brave enough to show your frustration of being compared to your sister and how you were brave enough to demand for people around you to love you.

On the contrary, I lifed a plain life, too afraid to cross the safe zone encircling me. But that does not mean I also close my eyes from seeing the world outside my safe zone. I see things outside, and yearn for it. But My feet is too weak and my body is too frail. I don’t have the courage to push myself and cross the line. I ended up just watching from the safe zone. Watching while trying to put myself on those people’s shoes. Those who are already get free from the safe zone and enjoying the world with its bitterness as well as happiness too. I wonder if what I’ve been doing is what you call premonition only. It is not the truth since the feeling and sensation are just my imaginations? I wonder if I should break free from the safe zone and experience things first hands. But by breaking out from the safe zone, does that mean I have to intentionally hurt myself? Haha. That would make me a masochist. But somehow I don’t mind being a Masochist. 

Wanna join the maso Dark Side?

And another things that is bothering me is if I intentionally throw myself to a world of chaos and problems just so I could experience those pains first hand, It would be rude to you and other people who don’t have choice and HAD to experience bitter things because of the situation. Compared to that, me who is going to throw myself down the gutter on purpose is like a huge mockery to you. So I will not do that. I think I will life the live the way I’ve been doing all these years.

I trust Fate and am too lazy to think of something for myself anyway. So might as well go with the flow and from time to time go against it when the situation calls. If she wants me out of my safe zone, Fate’ll always have the card to turn myself upside down in just a flip of a finger anyway. So, for now I will try to understand what’s happening in my surrounding, trying to understand the world and why things turns like that. Observing. Afterall, I already got used to my role as an observant. I observe and analyze, trying to empathize and seeing things with other people’s perspective. So I used to see things from the third POV instead of the first POV. Reading your letter also makes me trying to put myself in your shoes. Though what I got might not as similar to what you actually feel, your emotions reach my heart. Or so I thought. I got the feeling that putting things into writing helps people and you show me with your letter mba Dina.

Like how you put your feelings and emotions in writing, and then feeling lighter after that, I also do that, though my problems are not as complex as yours. Haha. Sharing one’s experience will always have good effects. Thank you for sharing what you have with us and thank you for giving us more reason to write mba Dina.

You surely have one hell of a twisted life but how you manage to go along with the twist and made it something that inspire others is really what makes me admire you. Words are really amazing. Writing is really amazing. I’ll continue writing and share what I see and feel with other people like what you do with your letter and other writings.

Life long, life strong, keep writing and touch people’s heart mba Dina ^^.

With love and admiration, from a country girl in big city

Dian Kartika Dewi

That's a response to mba Dina's letter, here. She's a great writer with a great life. I really respect her :3

Jogja Under Eruption

"I was scared to death!" that was what Emma (21) said when Gerometto, our made-up magazine, asked why she left Yogya during the eruption.
The city of Students shook. Merapi began to activate after a long period of slumber. It started to spit volcanic ashes to Yogya as well as the area around. People left the city, afraid of the rage of the mountain.

photos taken from: here

Emma is one of the college students in Yogya, who went back to her hometown because f the Merapi eruption. She left Yogya a few days before the predicted peak of eruption. Situation was chaotic in town. Roads were full of ashes and grey clouds hung on the sky. Eerie feeling of ‘grey town’ strongly came from the previously bright and eccentric town.
Emma here went home by train, taking Prameks train to her hometown, Kebumen. The crowded station was a common sight for days. Trains leaving Yogya always packed every day. Similar situation could be found at bus stations. Bus was also another means of leaving the ash-buried town. In town, people were wearing masks issued by government and social organizations. It was to protect them from respiration problem that might be caused by the dangerous volcanic ashes in the air.
Emma also claimed, “The eruption will probably reach UGM campus, so we were planning to go home,”
Indeed, a lot of people were leaving for the same reason. Universities also canceled their classes in hope that the students could evacuate to a safer place.
Prior to and after the eruption, Yogya had lesser population. Most shops were closed. Though some of them still open despite the thick ash in the air. The condition lasted for about a month after the eruption stopped. Universities announced that classes will be held again and soon Yogya got back its liveliness. Though those at the feet of Merapi were still suffering from damages and causalities caused by the eruption.

by Dian Kartika D.

source: Emma Arifiani

Gaze at The World and She'll Gaze You Back

World is the reach of your five senses. Everything that comes to exsistance in front of you and you believe on, exsists and is in your very own world. That is why each people have their own world that is different from other people. Each person sees something from different light and places because precisely everyone is different from each other.

My world during childhood is a big dome of safety zone where strong society control and simple life of a countryside protect prevent me from going wild or taking the ‘wrong’ unusual turn on the many crossroads of life. I developed a big fear of mistakes from growing up watching my two rascal brothers doing everything they want and got scolded for all their broken motor cycles and night sleepovers. I became rather careful and sly in covering up and acting good in front of my parents so I was safe from the scolding. But then later it developed into some kind of guilty complex that makes me up until now unable to freely doing mistakes without being extremely frightened by the thought of making one. 

'Persona' guards everything inside

Back to my past though, Fate always have her way in finding a way to send me some twists and turns. I met my first hobby at a book store, in the form of Doraemon comic books my brother get after wailing and flailing in front of the book store one day when we (my two brothers, me, and my mom) was shopping at the traditional market nearby. After that I really enjoyed reading comics and by the time I was in Junior High School, I already began collecting comics of various genres and age range. My world of comics grew wider as I knew more about it through the internet. I was a net geek back in my second year at Junior High School and that was when I met with my second obsession, back when arcade games and Playstation rental was booming in my small town. My two brothers dragged me to game centers, letting the little girl that is me enjoying the world of gaming and wonderful graphic of the two dimension. I fell even more to the world of imagination then with comics and games (and several animes that was popular back then) and the internet is another link that widens my world.

The day I put my hand on the mouse at that one public internet, my safety zone was torn down and I found the wonderful world of imagination from my love to comics, games, and animes leads me to a deeper world of those via the internet connection. I wrote fanfics, read articles and stories, I came to contact with people from various places even outside the country, I got my motivation to learn English so I could browse the new world I found even more, and got my mind broaden up from the various stories from those comics and games be it fantasy or real. I didn’t realize it back then but I was becoming an observant girl enjoying how various theory and philosophy I found through  books, comics, and anime were rightly applied in the real world. I was fascinated by that and started to like analyzing people through their own point of view, trying to understand the feeling of various people.

That was mostly how I have been living up until know. Observing people, checking reasons on why some people do this while some of them do not. Rooting up the reason for certain event or some problem happened on people, and trying to find out how to solve it without hurting either sides too much.
I learnt the two most inspiring quote in my life: ‘equivalent trade’ and ‘too much is as bad as too little’ both from my hobbies of watching and reading. I’ve been pretty much living my life up until now from those two quotes, and been fascinated all the time it fits perfectly for various situations whether it  has to do with me or everybody around me. Been pretty skeptical secretly for those who said ‘life isn’t fair!’ and complaining to God and World for the misery that actually they bought themselves, but sometimes hating myself for thinking such villainous thought when people are actually suffering and needs help.

My world is now a big drama stage. I am outside the stage, watching while screaming, laughing, frightened, and crying as the play turns from good and heartwarming scene to gory and gloomy scene of misfortunes. From time to time I would be bought up stage, feeling the joy and sorrow of life first hand and I would then quickly return to my seat, watching while screaming, laughing, frightened and crying as the film of Life keeps rolling on, and as my time at the ‘theater’ runs out year by year.