I'm So Pathetic My Ear Cries Blood

... ... What's that about? Well, that's about how my left ear splits blood and going 75% deaf temporary (I really hope so). And how did it turned out like this again? Well, I haven't tell you anything actually so let's start from the day a doctor make fun of hardened earwax at the very back of my ear.

By the way, serumen is what you call cerumen is the medical term for ear recess. It is usually gathering inside the ear and will be pushed out to our ear lobe as we eat, speak, laugh, etc. Some cases might lead to hardening of the cerumen just like in my case.

So, back to the story. I woke up in Wednesday morning, feeling like my left ear got some water in it. I tried to shake it off but it didn't work and I still half-deaf. I panicked and the memory of my friend telling me her story of getting Herpes inside your ear makes you deaf, dizzy, feverish, and have trouble in moving flowing back in, raising my panic even more. I called my mom and she told me to go to near by Puskesmas where my Aunt works. By the way, I realize that I'm still a spoiled child even in my twenties. Kind of pathetic the fact that I had to get my mom telling to go to the hospital when I actually already know what to do. Guess that's another thing to fix. Later though. Bleeding ear comes first.

After that, I went there and got my ear examined. And~ here comes the doctor joking around. The doctor is actually pretty kind and not that intimidating. He might be in his late twenties or mid thirties. Wearing glasses and a mask. He took a look at my ear and then, saying "Aw, it's just cerumen hardening at the back of your ear." saying that nonchalantly while giving prescription for a medication to liquidify (is that even a word? :s) the earwax. And the first though coming up to my mind was ," Why didn't you just say 'earwax'?" O well, that goes, I applied the medication. It has to be dropped exactly three drops on each ear. Each ear will require you to lay on your side and wait for the liquid to take action for 10 minutes. Not an easy task to do on campus. My friend saw me laying sideway at the Mosque and said I looked so wasted. Nyahaha. Good point. I WAS wasted anyway. It hurted like hell >.< And I couldn't hear my surrounding well. Being in a place with lots of noises but you can't make that out well is really suffocating. But then there are things I have to do so I endured that Wednesday on campus.
At night, it hurts even more! It Hurts like hell and I can only moaning in pain without able to do anything. The pathetic feeling was similar to when you have sever toothache but can do nothing to ease the pain even for just a little.

Next morning came. Actually I want to spend the day not doing anything and letting my ear have its deserved rest. But then this friend of mine insist that everyone at the boardinghouse will have to go on a karaoke as a commemoration of the end of the semester test. Well, I'm sick of dealing with her tantrum when things doesn't goes as she planned so I come along. I said we should just have two hours of karaoke but she said it should be three hours. Well, whatever, I came along. And it came true. The last one hour of the deafening room, I lay still, grimacing as my ear started to acted up.

Okay. Then we went home and I went to my Aunt's house. Spending the night there. I was tired after the karaoke and My ear still hurt like hell, so I drank the medicine, drop the liquid, and went to sleep. At 3 AM I woke up and started to do the part time job while grumbling. I actually wanted to say that I was sick and wanted a day off, but I would feel defeated that way. So I decided to be stubborn and pretend to be strong enough to write even when my ear keep gnawing on my consciousness.

Morning came, I had only a few hours of sleep and my ear was still deaf. At 8 I came to the Puskemas and there, the doctor was ready to do the operation. I thought it would go as quickly and would feel nothing, but O how universe love to tease me and broke any of my expecation. It hurst like hell when the doctor put some metal stick to take off the earwax. Even thet, he twisted the stick makes me feel like my head was going too explode of too excessive pain from the ear.  I held back my tears as much as I could, and he did that twisting AGAIN! I moaned in pain but keep my head still. And after that dreadful minutes, the doctor said that there was a pimple there inside so we have to make the pimple cured before taking the earwax.

I felt like mashing the doctor hear and there.

AFter that it took one week for the pimple to be cured, and then the earwax was vacuumed off of my ear. I thoght my brain was going to be vacuumed out too.

Well, that was the end. I finally realized how wonderful it is to have two functioning ears. How I had been abusive to my ears and not taking good care of it.

Knock Knock Baby Has Knocks the Door

Huho, back to my Time Capsule. Looks like this blog has finally have an actual use instead of just being my 'Trash Bin' of dirty thoughts and twisted mumbling. So in my Creative Writing class, mas Dalih, the class' lecturer told us to make a reaction to a baby left at the front of our door. Lots of things were rushing to my mind so I'm gonna write it down here.

So, when there is a baby left at my front door.

I was just finished with my tenth round of Digimon Rumble Arena and that was my ninth lost to my older brother who was annoyingly good at beating me up to frustration. I couldn't stand another loosing so I gave up and let my bro tease me all he want about me chickening out. Whatever.

I then was going to go out and have a breathe of the afternoon air to cool off, when the door was being knocked from the other side, stopping me from turning the knob of the door. After a second of shock, I turned the knob and my heart leaped to my throat seeing the bundle of clothing inside a small fruit basket.

'This is too cliche!!!' my mind screamed. 'Leaving a baby inside a basket is too much of a cliche! If you're gonna leave a baby, at least put it in something more dramatic like in small UFO capsule so I could think that the baby is an alien and will keep it by my side instead of just ignore the bundle or give it to an orphanage!'

But that would be too cruel and I'm playing the nice normal and sane girl here, so I felt pity for the bundle of clothing. It wriggles and I gasped. The scenario on what to do quickly running through my head. I could simply take the baby in, put a shocked expression as my family would soon also do upon hearing "There's a baby left at our porch." from me holding the basket. There, my mom would quickly come to me and start checking the baby before screaming at me for not taking the baby out of the basket, and my brother would just gap without doing anything really useful. My Father would immediately thinking about looking for an orphanage to look after the baby. Then I would butt in with my pessimistic view on what if the orphanage wouldn't take babies without any background. No one retalite. Dead end.

Then I changed the simulation course to the possibility of me taking the baby in the basket, ride on my motor bike, and then put the baby at someone else's front porch. Seems good enough for me that time. And I already went back inside the house and come back out with my helmet and motor key. When I grab the basket and the baby wriggled again from under the blanket, I stopped.

This is a bundle of life in my hand. The baby is alive just like me and the rest f the living things in the whole world. It can have  bright future of life and happiness and it could also be taken into a drastic turn and fast forwarding to a track of dark life of slavery or human traffic without the protection called 'Family'. And that very future is now in my hand. My responsibility. I was struck by all the thought of everything bad that might happen to the baby because of me. That would be my fault. If the baby were to die after I left it again, that would be because of me. I thought that was one of my guilty complex acting up again. But then guilty complex or not, I knew as much as the fact that I was then responsible to the future of the baby in the basket.

Just when I was planing to take a turn and be a gentle and loving girl taking in the baby and decided to take it in as the member of family, come the thought of how troublesome it will be for having a new little child in the household. Let alone I'm not that fond of babies. Thinking about how I should be the example of the baby, I had to act all goody-two-shoes and taking care of when the baby have something. Protecting the baby from danger, the devil side of me kicked in once more. I felt horrible and my hands holding the basket trembles as I frustrates the thought of taking or abandoning the child.

"Oi, what's that basket? Something from the neighbor?" came suddenly my brother's voice from my back.

I responded too slow and he was already coming at me, aiming for the basket. I tried to put it away from him but he was too fast. He lifted the blanked and we both frozen at the sight of black and white kitten curling comfortably in the middle of the blanket.

It was a kitten. A baby alright but a cat baby. A kitten.

I stopped trembling and smile. "We'll have a cat in the house." kitten wins over everything!

-The End-

... ... ... It's frightening how I tend to worries about everything from the good side and the bad side and almost always ended up couldn't take either choice and just spending my time thinking about possibilities. Like that made-up situation, I chose to ponder on whether taking or abandoning the basket without taking any real action. While my brother here, which is short of the solution of the conflict, takes more action.

But that is because he knew nothing. Well, neither did I but the difference is that I think and he's not. Thinking too much won't result on anything while acting too brash without thinking means too depending on luck. This time it turns out to be good just because luck made it that it was kitten that is inside the blanket. WHat if it is actually a baby? What if it is something inhuman in worst case? Oh shit. There. I think too much again.

Well, it is hard not to think when you want to be careful but thinking too much is not good either. Guess we have to keep the balance and life our life as balanced as possible. But being too balanced is not good either! >.<

Okay. Loosing my mind here. Jillie, piss out~!

Content Writer no Atashi e

It's been a while since I write anything in my blog... Well, since it's mine, I'll pour this out here, okay.

It's been almost two years since I start my part time job as a content writer. To be honest, from the beginning, I started to think whether what I was doing is right. I started to lose my sleep hours, my grade was not falling that fast but they are falling for sure. My fingers started to twitch and tremble from time to time. I'm afraid... But if I give up here, I though that would make me a snotty brat with no courage and guts to face the pain and toil of what life consist of. So keep going with my work up until now.

Zombie-me, too many works lack of sleep

This semester is extremely hard on me. With all the paper work (I'm a literary department student) and the job keep flooding on me, I feel like my free time had just wasted away. The irony is, the reason why I started doing part time job was so that I could buy myself a PSP. Now I've got my hands on that but have no time to play the game. If I stop the part time job, I'll be back to my spoiled self who ask for things and stuffs to my parents instead of getting the thing myself like I do right now...

Hmmmff... I guess this is how life is... just like in Gundam SeeD's ED, "Doushitemo rakujanai michi o eranda ne..." (Kimi wa Boku ni Nite Iru). That's how I've been seeing the 'World' since junior high... If you want to feel the happiness, you have to suffer first... I'll continue with this suffering for now. I just hope I don't end up letting myself suffer too much.

Oh, for those Indonesian who also wants to join my path of suffering and redemption, you can try to apply yourself as a content writer too here. You then will have to write article of various topics every day, around 1500 - 3000 words each day. The payment is decent and if you work hard, you can get IDR 1,5 - 2,0 million per month. Not bad for a part-time job. But watch for your health ;)

DPC SideStory: Morning Glory (13+)

My ero work. It's smut and straight. Don't like, don't read

Claimer: Notice the difference. It is Claimer, not a Disclaimer. Because all the characters and settings here are all my own. Jillian Leonhart and James Brokelagoon (Jambrong) and all the Dark Peace Chronicle are the property of mine. Copying and using each element without notice or permission will not be tolerated.

Morning Glory

by Bocah Ngapak Keminggris (Jill)

Jill woke up on a soft, fluffy bed. "Hhhhnnngghh~" she wanted to stretch her arms back but couldn't. Her consciousness returned slowly and she could later feel strong arms bind her waist and shoulders each. She also could feel a head on laying on her back. Soon, soft snore could be heard. Jill froze for a while, then she could feel her face heating up when she recognize the feel of strands of hair on her back and the soft mumble of familiar voice. 

She tried to struggle away, the grip got stronger. The head on her back snuggled on the nape of her neck, as he mumbled, "Stay still you Glasses... 5 more minutes..."

Jill felt like fainting on the spot. She didn't have the time nor the sanity to think up any possible scenario that end up with them in the same bed, sleeping, let alone having the blue cowboy hugging her like a pillow. Jill already loose the sense to think as her brain was too focused on feeling the skin contact they made. Her face was incredibly red she afraid her nose would burst out blood. 

"Ja... mbrong..." she tried to pushed herself away from the melting grip but could not summon enough strength to do so. 

"Shhh..." he hiss and forcefully turned her head back with one of his hand, facing him. 

The sight of him, rising one eye-brow and biting back a laugh seeing her panic face makes Jill blush even darker shade of red. "What's that look for?" he whispered, voice husky from the last night sleep.

Jill could not stand the pressure anymore. She covered his face with a palm. "Don't stare at me!" she snapped breathlessly.

Then Jill could feel his lips stretched to a very rare playful smile, and then he licked her palm.

Jill yelped and draw back her hand automatically, to face his prying sharp jade eyes, currently half opened. 

"And why can't I stare?" he emphasize that by sending an even more intense stare at her face while closing in on her slowly.

"Wh... why do you want to anyway??!" She put all her remaining sense and strength to push him back, but he react really fast.

As she pushed him and struggling back, he leaned forward and trapped her between his arms and the headboard of the bed. Victory smirk on his face sent shiver down Jill's spine. Both of fear and excitement on what will he do next. 

"Do I need a reason to stare?" he asked.

"You need a reason for everything!"

"Well, then I want your reason for not wanting me stare at your tomato-face."

"Be... because I want to that's why!" she closed her defense by burying her face on her knees.

"Well then... that's my reason too, you Glasses..." she could feel his hand caress her head and her hearth thumping hard because of it. 

"Stop that!" she snapped as she shook his hand off her head.

"...  Ck... You don't want me do that too... then, what do you want me to do?" Jambrong is slightly annoted.

Jill lifted up her head a little and staring at Jambrong from her barrier of dark bangs. "Explain why we end up in the same bed."

Again, Jambrong rose one eyebrow, but this time of pure confusion. "Why we shouldn't?"

Jill blushed deeper again, "I asked first so you should answer, not asking back!" she said, hiding back between her knees.

She heard him sighing. "I don't know are you trying to play "50 First Date" or something else but, well, we just return from our wedding ceremony three days ago and is now in the middle of our honeymoon. So unless we had a big fight last night or one of us make each other mad enough to not wanting to share a nice and warm fluffy bed together, it is very normal to sleep in one bed..."

Finally that was too much for Jill. She fainted. And when she woke up staring at bunch of leaves, with the flickering light of the bonfire in the middle of the usual trio, at an opening in the middle of the forest, Jill scrambled out of her sleeping bag and grabbed Jambrong's shooking it violently. The young farmer popped out slowly and annoyingly glare her. 

"What the heck--"

"Are we married?!" Jill cut whatever he was going to say with that critical question.

Jambrong need to cleared his throat before answering, "Not ye... ... ... No..."

Jill sighed and scrambled back to her sleeping bag. Jambrong left wide awake for the rest of the night, trying to get rid of the crazy idea that the Glasses girl just made up out of nowhere.

The End

A/ N: Yappari My fanfic author soul is still alive... I couldn't help but making side stories or alternate work of my own work... And these two is so fun to tease on~ Nywwaaaaww~

Kowareta Watashi e

Today I  quiet enjoy myself. Walking around Malioboro with my aunties and bros. Got myself two batik skirts of IDR 20.000 each, and stick with my aunty at JEC on the way home. Guess what we bought back to Aunt Indri's house... A DELL Smartphone. Aunt Iit just bought the device of IDR 3.895.000. Well, guess that's how you can spend your money when you have good position at work, and has yet your own family to share the fortune. It's fun, yet it's lonely sometime. I wonder will I spend my life like that, having no partner when I turned 38 later.

See the reality girl. I'm almost 20 and yet I never been on a date with anyone even once. Sure I wrote a lot of romance fanfic but that's all. It was all my fantasy of how it would be like to love someone and have that person love you back. Demo, are wa tada no mousou da... Even up until know I still could only imagine how it would feel being loved by someone other than your family though...

So, thinking about how pity my love life is makes me frustrated. Even now, when I sit on the front proct of Aunt Indri's house, I feel frustrated on how even my Junior High cousin was just being picked up by her boyfriend for a romantic Saturday-night Cycling while me, a college student in her forth semester, sitting here writing on my blog entry...

So, to I usually get ero when frustrated. Next post might be some smut of my OCs at my workm Dark Peace Chronicle.

Jya, matta ne~

Brave Song ~Nokosareta Anata E~

Today my friend's mom died in an accident. I really feel bad for him since I've been--I wouldn't say badmouthing him, but still,

I talked about him a lot behind his back. I feel bad for him because I couldn't help but think how 'alone' he is since he himself had to be the one telling the rest of us "My mom died."

I feel bad for him because if I were in his shoes, I would have slumped in a corner, forgetting the rest of the world exist, forgetting the rest of my life-span still last...

I'm telling this horrible news to my other friend and guess what's her reaction. "Uhm... So?" I didn't respond further on that. Is it just me being too emotional about all this or her that is being too unsympathetic? Well, that brought me to a thought later. True that me being sympathetic will not help him anything. Will not change anything, but still, well... sorry but I couldn't help but feel bad for you Tembok-san yo... sorry if you actually don't want any pity 'cuz you will stand strong and rise up after your mother's dead.

 So, for my friend, Tembok-san yo...

Sorry for being sympathetic
Sorry for not doing anything
Sorry for feeling bad for you

I hope your mom will rest in peace and you and the rest of your family could find the strength to move on...
Nokosareta anata e, kono "Brave Song" o kikasetekuremasenka?

Lyrics/Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: ANANT GARDE EYES
Vocal: Tada Aoi

itsumo hitori de aruiteta furikaeru to minna ha tooku
soredemo atashi ha aruita sore ga tsuyosa datta
mou nani mo kowaku nai sou tsubuyaite miseru

itsuka hito ha hitori ni natte
omoide no naka ni ikiteku dake
kodoku sae aishi waratterareru you ni
atashi ha tatakaun da
namida nante misenain da

itsumo hitori de aruiteta ikusaki ni ha gake ga matteta
soredemo atashi ha aruita
tsuyosa no shoumei no tame fukitsukeru tsuyoi
kaze ase de SHATSU ga haritsuku
itsuka wasurete shimaeru nara ikiru koto sore ha tayasui mono
boukyaku no kanata he to ochiteiku nara sore ha nigeru koto darou
ikita imi sura kieru darou

kaze ha yagate naideta ase mo kawaite
onaka ga suitekita na nani ka attakke
nigiyaka na koe to tomo ni ii nioi ga yattekita

itsumo hitori de aruiteta
minna ga matteita

 itsuka hito ha hitori ni natte
omoide no naka ni ikuteku dake
soredemo ii yasuraka na kono kimochi ha
sore wo nakama to yobun da
itsuka minna to sugoshita hibi mo wasurete dokoka de ikiteru yo
sono toki ha mou tsuyoku nanka nai yo
futsuu no onnanoko no yowasa de namida wo kobosu yo

Piracy on the Go

Hisashiburi da wa. It's been so long since the last post I made here. After this I plan to keep this Turks Journal alive by writing either diary entry or something else here. I need to work on my writing skills.

Today, nothing unusual happen. I went to w-net from morning 'till noon. And downloading some ecchi stuffs along my regular anime download XD. Ben-To, now have been completed. Pretty good animation. The main character, Sato, was not as bad as the MC in any other Harem anime. The fighting scenes were also great. Great anime but too bad it was too short...or not. I think 12 episodes are just enough for Ben-To's plot. I don't think I wouldn't get bored if I had to watch too many half-priced bento fight.

Otto... back to my life. From the w-net, I was planning to go to a nearby conbini to get some ice-cream but decided against it. Some cola and Yuppi Neon Worm is enough for my watching companion that afternoon. Getting what I needed in hand, I continue walked down the street while waiting for public transportation to pass. I walked pretty far that time. Having motorcycle or bicycle would be great right... Too bad those two are out of my reach that time... right now too. Kuso, baka-aniki =_=...

De, I spend the whole day watching Ben-To. Oh, along the way, Mr. H and Mr. B contact me regarding campus problem. Taku =_= I hate someone bothering me when I am secluding myself, being country bumpkin that I am... Well, I will do my best to hurt less people. So, Mr. H's demand had been fulfilled but Mr. B's hasn't. I still need more information from him or I can't do my things. And up 'till now. he hasn't give any response =_= Katte ni kuru na! Chantto sestumenshite yo!!! Moo... =_=" Ningen te...

Oh, tomorrow I had to make sure Mr. A go to an event back in Jogja. Fyuu... I hope everything goes right. Please ya Allah, make it right >.<

Oh, by the way, just to remind myself, there are several assignment that I need to do:
- GE Writing Assignment (5-8 pages of Scientific report)
- KI, Makalah (7-10 pages+cover)
- Book Report (Last book, Wuthering Heights)

Fyuuhh... Maybe tomorrow I will start working on my GE Writing and the last book report.